11.05.2007

an email i just sent to my cast, it explains pretty much everything

ok, first things first.....

shaunacy, my name is spelled with a UX. get on that

mashawn, i can't deal. i miss you like a brother and i think thats cause i have some black blood in me. its where i get my lumps and my jukes and jives, and maybe my thighs and me sweet rhymes.

peter, i can't formulate what i want to say to you. i have so much but can't get it out. so i'll leave you with this....sweat pants are all that fit me right now

natalie, where are you lets go be in legally blonde together. since i'm partially african american i can do the hip hop required of the boy dancers

jeff, i hope you got, recieved, and loved that beauty pageant girl playing her trumpet. i need your feedback asap

stacy, i think i'm in love with you. for real, i can't stop thinking about you and thinking of ways i can take sonic out. i hope your cast of 20's is being nice and i hope that 5 of them get pregnant. i like charlie, we have talked, he is ok in my book

kim, i talked to you recently, thank you for the update, i miss you and will talk to you soon

janelle, i still hate you and thank you for the fake ass email about how jeff and i looked at boys. IT WAS ME AND ME ALONE YOU DUMB SLUT. GO CURL YOUR FUCKED UP HAIR AND TOSS IT ABOUT WITH YOUR WHOLE ENTIRE FOREARM....and POWDER YOUR DAMN FOREHEAD

andrea - LATIN



so yeah, i'm not even gonna try to compete with shaunacy's email cause that shit was brilliant but i will give you this attempt. first off i still email jess like she'll write back. guess i'm a dumbass. awesome. i just got back from new mexico where i was put into shackles and torn cotton pants and put to work. no offense mashawn but i'm half black you see. let me just tell you how many pecans a pecan tree has...TOO FUCKIN MANY FOR ME TO PICK UP BY HAND. after i climbed the roof like romeo the monkey and then scoured the yard like romeo pickin fleas i set out to wash the windows. you see, it was too cold to do so in the morning so i had to wait all day. i had to first was the brick down, then wash the windows, then let that dry. then i had to go over the outside of the windows with a vinegar/water solution and sgueegie that off. then i had to windex, wipe off with a paper towel, then another dry paper towel and then go over the whole thing with a dry, lint free towel. for the inside of the windows i just had to do the windex steps. now, the gorrish details. there were about 20 windows to clean, thats 40 if you count the paynes, and half of them are FLOOR TO CEILING and cover large rooms, and the other half are covered by MEXICAN BARS to keep the mesicans out. talk about a bitch. anyways, i did it, spent some quality time with my granparents and my crazy ass uncle and moved on with my life.....let me just give you a few stories my uncle shared with me. he is going to cure HIV (i had so many gay jokes lined up but instead i just said a prayer and said "phew, my hiv is really startin to itch"), he then told me how that would happen using only the technical terms. he talked to me about how he needs some. how his khaki pants give him cramps cause of the chemicals used to make them. and he told me the bread is making him fat and then made me feel his stomach. now my uncle is a certified genious, for real, but you see he's gone fucking nuts. something snapped in him and then he thought he knew who killed kennedy and wears foil in his shoes and is now in his 40's divorced and lives with his 80 year old parents. i'm gonna leave that alone cause i don't think you really care.

p.s. i'm writing this like i would my blog. and for those of you who have forgotten you can find that at www.thediaryofjebfrank.blogspot.com. shameless plug but a necessary one. in fact i will be posting this email there. um so yeah back to my stories.

i think thats all. i'm spending my time between here and okc. matt is doing well and he's growing up nicely. he's still a babe and i'm still crazy for him so i guess he's doing something right. we both crush on this boy named kaleb (he's bam bam in the halloween pictures)but he's a hot whorish mess so its gonna stay that way. my friend drew is going through his slut phase of the post breakup life and i couldn't be more supportive. i'm like, SUCH a good friend. p.p.s he saw mean girls for the first time and now our friendship has a whole new level to it. um, i just cleaned out my closet....over 150 items now gone, still counting. and i have 30 pairs of shoes. it was like xmas when i got home and saw all my clothes. um yeah. my add is in overtime right now. i'm wearing a pink shirt and purple cut off sweats. i look good. i'm fat though and that needs to change. i'm thinking about taking a brick to my ribs and knocking em down a few sizes. my favorite song right now is my Ingrid Michaelson and its called Keep Breathing. i choreographed a dance to it for a class and you can find that video on my myspace page and then you can all tell me how fantastic i am. and i'm sending my contract in tomorrow. how weird is that??? and also, i don't even have to, i can just show up with it. weird. i hope they have one other dancer who's fatter than me so i don't get all the shit. and let me end with this.....why did i get so much shit for my weight when the cast that all replaced us are a bunch of slut drunk heffers. i rest my case. i love you all and have started taking anti-depressants to cope with that lose.

jeb

mash - hope the black jokes didn't make you cry, or want to gangbang driveby murder me. i've had no contact with half your people and well, i just wanted you to say "stupid" when you read this. the end

No comments: