just a little bit of everything

So we’re in the north part of the world. I’m talking north. We get no internet or phone up here. We’ll be here for a few days. It’s the 16th of june as I’m writing this.

Last night we all huddled in Jenn’s room, I brought my mattress in, and we all watched the exorcism of Emily rose. Kinda a messed up movie. I’ve seen it before but it still made me uneasy. We also had a dance class yesterday. Mashawn taught a combo and it was so amazing to actually dance again. We video taped it and I really want it on my computer so I can watch myself everyday. Haha. But seriously, I have no video of me dancing so it would be kinda nice. Only thing is, is that his camera is really old and we’d have to find a dvd burner cause it doesn’t have the capabilities to attach to a computer…I don’t think.

Also, remember how when I first got on the ship the cabin steward took my pillow cause he thought it was the ships. It was my pillow from home, my binki if you will. Its been with me through a lot. WELL, today Made(the steward) cleaned our room and I came in and notice that one of my pillows was a darker blue than the other. I felt the case and it was t-shirt material. IT WAS MY CASE. Then I felt the pillow itself and it was really squishy. IT WAS MY PILLOW. Omg I’m so excited to have my pillow back. I can’t wait to sleep on it again. Yay

Also, I’m getting my hair cut later today. Its cold and rainy outside and I have IPM(in port manning) so I’m bored.

Also, I’ve lost about 10 pounds in the last month so that’s cool and all the staff is coming back on the ship on the 23rd to put up Showgirl….even though Jess won’t be back. Irritated I am. I haven’t heard back about another ship which is ok but everybody else has been offered something else. Don’t know if I should take it personally or just let it go. Who knows maybe they’re waiting to put me on the ship I wanted and are just waiting to see who extends. Or maybe it’s a good thing and I shouldn’t work for the company again. Or maybe I’m thinking too much and should get a life. Whatever, I’m going to workout. Ha.

Also, I just want to clarify why I’m talking in the deeper voice all of a sudden. At first it was easier to say that I did it to get jobs and well, that’s shallow. I’m doing it for more personal reasons that I don’t find necessary to divulge to just anybody. People in the cast, and matt, thought I was doing it all for the wrong reasons, just because somebody told me I should…to get more ass and more jobs. But here’s the thing. Going through life being known for your voice, “that’s the guy with the high voice”, always hearing “yes ma’am” on the phone or in the drive-thru, it kinda wears on you after a while. Yes this stranger told me to talk in the deep voice from now on and I did, but he touched on things that I thought only I was thinking. Something about the conversations we had about my voice clicked and that’s all I really want to say. Its like I’m finally me and finally normal. I found out last night when I was telling my cast all this(they thought I was being fake) that when I first got hired at Stiletto that they came back to the studios and described me as this “amazing dancer and he has this really high voice.” That only furthers the reason why I would want to talk in the deeper voice. Its not necessary to describe me as the boy with the high voice. I mean sure, later in life I’ll be able to use the voice to my advantage but come on. I don’t see a good singer with a huge nose and say “she was really good but her nose was massive” they’re not related or relevant. And also, the more I talk in it the stronger it gets, the more emotion I can put into it and the higher it gets so its not so BOOMING bass robot. Anyways, that was a long rant and I’m sorry but yeah. It will take some getting used to I know. The kids on the ship are already used to it and they don’t’ like the high voice anymore. Its funny. So to y’all back home I’m sorry if you don’t like it at first but its here to stay.

Lesson of the Day: I can still sound like everybody else but be myself and be happy about who I am without thinking I’ve sold out or changed myself.